Mortality

This coronavirus snuck up to most of us like some kind of mathematics test when we were in high school. Ok, so I have to deal with this right now!? Of course, the more educated on the subject among us saw this coming for a wee while.

Now what is interesting about this virus is that it has the potential to wreak havoc on all of our lives. In the blink of an eye we are all confronted with a total new reality. It has scratched away the surface of our ignorantly blissed existences. Fuck, I am mortal. I, or someone I know, can die from this (or something along those lines, might have crossed your mind in recent times).

From my own experience, I actually wanted to seek out a familiar hiding place. Getting drunk. I noticed everyone around me had similar ideas. It was bloody hard not to fall into that trap. Fortunately, I did not, and have since that moment of near weakness tried to drastically alter my perception on this somewhat bleak looking situation. With the help of some mental gymnastics I have now managed to see a much brighter side of this situation.

In Innsbruck you can hear birds sing louder than ever before. The air looks crisp and breathable. The world doesn’t look too bad when we collectively try to minimize our carbon emissions (I am not saying that I’m a saint, there are plenty of ways that I can improve my own ways). And what about all the heartwarming stories from across the globe. Never in my lifetime have I experienced the sense that we are all in this together. It shows now more than ever that we need to tackle this problem as a group.

This is a good time to re-think about why we are here and what we came here to do in this brief moment of existence. Will we use it to enrich ourselves, to push others away and to win the race to the imaginary mountain of success. Or perhaps we can use this time to better ourselves and our communities. Isn’t society supposed to work for the largest amount of people? Is it currently?

And what about mental health? Have we taken that into consideration when we built our organizations and businesses? Is it really healthy to work non-stop or to sit in an office all week? Why do we all take the same days in the week off for leisure? Should we perhaps keep in mind that this planet is our home and that it needs to be treated accordingly?

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that the current system is hopelessly flawed. I come from one of the wealthiest parts of the planet and society has benefited me in more ways than I perhaps like to acknowledge. All I’m advocating is that this is the perfect time for some reflection. We can choose our own destiny. What we imagine becomes reality. Let’s collectively dream up some nice stuff right now and put it into practice when this situation is behind us.

This is a time to think about the bigger questions of what motivates us as a species. There is nothing more sobering than the treat of either dying or losing loved ones. But mortality is what makes life interesting. Would this really be an interesting ride if we would just live forever? We don’t. So, let’s make this moment count. The history books will remember how we acted in this moment of crisis. let’s choose to use this moment as a learning experience. Let’s start dialogues about how we can modify outdated systems and let’s make sure we care a little bit more for the planet, each other and ourselves.

Connection

I have read somewhere that the opposite of addiction is connection. Addiction comes in many forms in our lives and is oftentimes not as obvious as that of a drug addict or an alcoholic. We can be addicted to harming thought patterns and behaviors that are more subtle and hard to identify. Recognizing these harmful actions is incredibly difficult in the fast-paced society we have created.

For me, it helps to get out and connect with nature. Touring has really opened my eyes some years ago, and it is now something I prefer to do more than anything else. It always starts with a little battle. Catching your breath, finding your flow, until eventually everything becomes peaceful. These are the moments where I am best capable of analyzing my thought patterns, and more importantly - to be grateful for sharing something meaningful with friends in this tiny fragment in time.

Touring can also push your own boundaries of what you thought you were capable of. Sometimes it is not comfortable to be near exhaustion and close to be frostbitten. However, you will appreciate regular comfort more afterwards. Appreciation of the little things are pretty important to happiness I find. Reading a Donald Duck magazine also helps.

Comfort is something we should break away from when we can. Comfort in thought patterns make it harder to challenge your own believes. Entertaining different opinions and thoughts can help us see different perspectives. Too much comfort in our daily lives can make us lazy – which will then make it hard to appreciate almost anything.

Sometimes all we need to do is get out. Get out of our own head, and away from what makes us too comfortable. This is where I believe true connection can be found. Just as much as connection is the opposite of addiction – comfort is the opposite of feeling content. It wouldn’t be fun if it was easy right?

Let’s get out – and connect.

Recovery

Something I wrote about 2 years ago:

Today marks 6 months without alcohol.

I woke up with the worst feeling 6 months ago. I knew I screwed up badly, as I was barely able to get on my feet. My knee seemed to be in a bad state, and the anxiety hangover that came over me was overwhelming. It dawned on me that I could not go on like this anymore. A radical change was needed, as this could very well end in a bad way soon. I gotout lucky that night. But at this rate my luck was soon to run out.

I knew for years that my alcohol consumption was out of hand at times. Especially when times were getting dark, booze could be a warm friend that seemed to relieve me from whatever was causing me mental pain. There was a time that I actually thought that without alcohol I would probably not be able to cope with life for a long time. It’s amazing how much my brain was able to justify my reckless behaviour at times.

I wanted to get to the core of why I was abusing alcohol in an unhealthy way. Looking back now, I can see that I was trapped in a cycle of coping with stress and depression for an X amount of time until I could binge drink my way to oblivion – a place where these feelings were simply not present. This place started to feel more and more like home. Its quite insane that I was living in such a privileged place, whilst I was feeling miserable a large chunk of the time.

I went back to the drawing board 6 months ago, and started to put together a framework that would keep me away from an unhealthy amount of escapism. I started reading books about psychology, logo-therapy, stoic philosophy and a whole bunch of self-help books. I found out that I, like most people, don’t cope with stress too well. I can obsess over trivial things and get stuck in negative thinking rather easily. It was time to become a bit more stoked on life again. It’s simply too short to be feeling down about dumb stuff.

Now that I have given up drinking I see things through a much different lens. It feels like I have only scratched the surface of what one can call some type of mental evolution. I have learned that everyone can change at any given moment.

I noticed that improving my morning routine was one of the key ingredients to cope with negative emotions. I now start the day with breathing exercises, stretching and a cold shower. Its not always fun, but it does do the trick.

Giving up drinking is the biggest life changing event I can remember besides starting snowboarding on a dry slope many years ago. Some days ago, I found myself hiking on top of a mountain ridge with some great buddies and I could not have been happier! It felt like I had finally been released from the shackles that I managed to put on my own wrists time and time again. If you are feeling like you’re stuck with similar problems, don’t hesitate to shout me a message.

‘’Hey! Don’t worry, don’t be afraid, ever! Because, this is just a ride.’’ – Bill Hicks

Self-knowledge and realization

Didn’t touch a drink for 1,5 year now. Or actually, in a week, but I don’t want to get too caught up in exact dates as that kind of stuff makes me a bit compulsive. I also felt like writing this today, so why wait? The main aim for this post is to help some of you that might be struggling with addiction or mental health issues.

Let’s talk mental health for a wee minute.

So, I’m not going to lie; I used to enjoy spikes in my emotional state. My theory at the time was that feeling balanced is synonymous to feeling bored. Extensive drinking or abusing other substances can really take you for an emotional rollercoaster ride. Good fun for a while, but quite dangerous to your mental health in the long run. Obviously, I ran into some issues; I’m glad I did, as I would have otherwise continued to live in a similar way. Facing and monitoring my emotional state in a sober way has actually taught be some interesting things that I would like to share. Mental health problems are on the rise. We need to ask ourselves some serious question considering these problems. Former me would have probably already clicked to some cat memes by now, so I admire your perseverance if you are still with me at this stage.

Self-medicating
Many people that have trouble with addiction will recognize the act of self-medicating. It is almost as if you can only function when you get your occasional drink, cigarette or whatever is your weapon of choice. This is how I perceived life for quite some years. My opinion at the time was that alcohol would be able to get me through the tough times. In hindsight, I am not sure if it did. I already acknowledged that I was living in quite an unhealthy way for years; I was just afraid to act on it and change. The status quo of my behavior created a comfort zone that I was willing to live with. Self-medicating yourself through life is no way to live though. I understand full well why people do it, but it creates problems in the long-term. Long-term thinking is actually incredibly hard when you are self-medicating.

The thing I have learned from giving up drinking is that I was (and am) flawed in many ways. I was just not willing to see it, as the truth does hurt. Drinking actually kept me from acting on and fixing the most problematic aspects of my persona. Postponing is easy and ignorance really is bliss in many ways.

Now here is the thing. There is nothing wrong with being flawed. We all are. I’m pretty sure it is part of the human condition. How we act towards these flaws is up to us entirely. I have come to believe that we would all benefit if we at least tried to look at ourselves in a honest way. You can bury your head in the sand for many years. The problem is that inaction is also a form of action. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. If you are never willing to accept that you might have flaws, it will catch up with you somewhere down the line. Without accepting that you could be a bit flawed, it is impossible to take action and change. It’s worth looking up the term cognitive dissonance, if you are not familiar with it.

Finding peace of mind
I have found several hacks that help me in staying sober. I want to share some of them and would argue that it is worth trying some of these if you are struggling in staying sober, or having a hard time finding peace of mind in general.

Let’s talk dopamine first. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that regulates many functions and processes in your body, from sleep to metabolism. Dopamine is mostly linked to the reward system; the system that makes us feel good. When you are low on dopamine, you are likely to feel low. When you have a high level of dopamine, you are probably feeling pretty good. Some of us have a more consistent dopamine flow than others. There are many things that influence your dopamine level; I would like to make the distinction between artificial ways and natural ways. Please note that I am not a medical professional nor am I a psychologist – this is just my interpretation on the subject.

Artificial ways:
Take loads of drugs and alcohol and within no time your dopamine levels will skyrocket. There is a reason why people self-medicate; it works wonders in the short-term. Not everyone is made to play with these artificial ways as there can be a huge downside to them – the next day you will have even less dopamine than before you started drinking. This can be dangerous for people that have low-overall dopamine levels which can consequently lead to anxiety and depression; which is basically what happened to me. It is also worth pointing out that our smart-phones these days are built in such a way that we receive tiny bits of dopamine when we look at the screen. This is why many of us walk around like zombies these days. Who doesn’t want to receive tiny bits of feelgood?

I would argue that these artificial ways of receiving dopamine can be a bit dangerous as they affect our general well-being in a negative way somewhere down the line. I notice that I am more agitated when I look at my phone too much for example. Of course, there are several other factors that influence the way you feel. If there is a day where you feel particularly unhappy, agitated or filled with anxiety, it is worth analyzing all your behaviors that day. Did you sleep enough? Did you look at your phone for several hours (note to self)? Did you drink too much the night before? If your goal is to feel well, I would argue that it is worth taking a strong look in the mirror before you blame external factors for your thoughts and feelings.

Analyzing yourself is tough. It requires you to avoid distractions and fully confront your issues. This is no easy task but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done.

Natural ways:
I have started constructing a framework that helps me dealing with stress, anxiety and depression. I have the feeling that I can actually tweak my dopamine levels in a positive way by doing loads of sports, heading into nature, paying attention to my sleep and eating pattern and the most hands-on approach that I have found up until now: The Wim Hof Method. Now, this might not work for everybody as I think it is best to construct a framework that works for you. However, I do want to briefly discuss how this method works and why it works for me. You can make up your own mind about it and decide to give it a try or not.

Briefly, this is how it works:

Breathing exercise:
An exercise that pumps more oxygen into your bloodstream than you would receive through normal breathing. After a few cycles you will feel quite light headed and afterwards really quite calm. This breathing technique has been proven to benefit your immune system. It makes me feel rather relaxed and it seems to keep me from getting colds in winter. I would say that you need to try this breathing technique for a longer period of time in order to master it. I am getting a more consistent effect these days as I have tried it quite a few times by now.

Stretching:
I don’t follow Wim’s exact stretching technique here. I just do a yoga routine that I enjoy. You will notice that you are able to stretch a lot better after the breathing techniques so it helps doing those stretches post breathing exercise. Stretching just makes you feel super relaxed which will effectively benefit your mental state.

Cold showers:
Cold showers suck but they do have an amazing effect. You don’t have to instantly turn that shower to ice water. Start with your normal shower routine and change it to cold eventually. Cold showers release dopamine. You will feel a little boost in your mood. If you’re ever feeling down, jump in the shower and turn it to cold; see how you feel afterwards. You could call this micro-suffering. It’s a little investment that I make in order to give my day a little boost.

I am a big fan of combining several methods in order to find peace of mind. This method is simply part of a system that I have developed that seems to work well for me. I think it works best when you find things that work for you. The dopamine system goes pretty deep. It turns out that quite a lot of research indicates that dopamine levels are also linked to the pursuit of valuable goals. We humans seem to get an increase in dopamine levels when we are living a life that we consider meaningful (by our own definitions). Now, this can be a bit problematic for society if you are striving to be a dictator. However, most of us will probably find meaning in things that don’t harm others. It could be worth looking for those ‘things’.

To conclude: Talking about mental health and addiction should not be a taboo. Talk to your close friends and family about issues that you might have, it can be the first step to a better life. Take action, don’t sit on it. If you need a chat, hit me up!

“To bear trials with a calm mind robs misfortune of its strength and burden.” —Seneca

1 year without alcohol

1 year without alcohol

6 months ago, I wrote a somewhat dramatic piece on Facebook about my issues with alcohol. It wasn’t an easy piece to write as it is not easy to share and show this kind of vulnerability on a social media platform. We all have these little fears that hold us back. For me, speaking out about this issue was one of them. I posted the message because I felt that if it would help one person, it would already be worthwhile.

Now that I haven’t touched a drink in a year, I can see things a lot more clearly. I think we all have coping mechanisms in place in order to deal with the hardships of life. In my case, drinking was a way to postpone or numb negative emotions. The reality is that alcohol actually works as a depressant. So what happens is that the person hiding from depression and anxiety becomes more depressed and anxious. It is hard to see the elephant in the room when you are standing right in front of it.

Don’t get me wrong. Drinking was not all negative to me. I actually loved the situations and conversations I sometimes found myself in after a few (too many) beverages. It’s a lot harder to get to a similar level of honesty when being completely sober. I had great moments, but also started to notice a down-side to this party-fuel. There was a discrepancy becoming visible between my drinking persona and my sober one.

When I stopped drinking, I was feeling very socially anxious the first few times I went to a bar. I was so used to being shit-faced, that it was hard for me to picture sober me in a crowd of drunks. It turned out it wasn’t all that bad though. It’s all a matter of exposing yourself to those obstacles, so that they break apart eventually. For me, going out sober is actually fun these days. When I first started going out sober, I was quite amazed to see how normal people drink, but I also noticed a percentage of people that was a lot like former me. It is for those people I am writing this piece today.

If you can hold your drink and have a good time (and it adds value to your life) – by all means, enjoy it! If you know how to moderate and it isn’t having a negative effect on yourself and the people around you – have fun with it! But do know there is a fine line that is easily crossed in desperate times. ‘’The most common lie is that which one lies to himself; lying to others is relatively an exception.’’ - Nietzsche

What I would like to accomplish with this piece, is that people that might be plagued by issues such as addiction and/or mental health, speak out to someone. You first need to recognize that you’ve got a problem, before you can do something about it. Starting conversations about the things that are bothering you can really help. Let’s face it, we don’t like to talk about the things that are troubling us the most. It’s uncomfortable to say the least. However, I do want to encourage you to take that step.

Have a sweet weekend everyone!

‘’I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle’’. -Mitch Hedberg